The church does not seem to raise proactive men

Dave Schmelzer wrote an interesting article highligting the "Trend with Men"

http://notreligious.typepad.com/notreligious/2009/07/trends-with-men.html

I have responded there - but I thought I can highlight my responce here as well.

I would love to hear your comments.

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I find your blog quite interesting and probably have a counter-Christian-culture viewpoint.

It is true that the Church does not attract 'a certain sort of men' - I would call - the 'Proactive' type. I have met many attractive women who have said that they get the attention they 'deserve' in the world - not in the church.

I disagree that pornography or sexual immorality is the root cause for not being proactive in church. I find that the men who are proactive in the world - have no value system to say pornography or sexual immorality might be wrong. So they go out and experiment with sex and 'achieve'. They are rewarded immensely for their proactive attitude. This in turn ingrains in their psyche that they can conquer anything.

I was at a "worldly" bachelor party recently, where the whole aim of the game was to drink and to go to strip clubs. I had a few drinks but did not go to the strip club with them. Here are some observations from hanging out with them:
- They were not afraid of interacting with pretty women (on the street), since they had seen 'them' naked already. When they were at the club, they actually found women, and initiated conversation.
- They were more accomplished in their age group as opposed to a similar aged average 'Christians'.
- The younger ones learnt from the older ones how to be daring.

Again, I am not condoning their actions. These are just my observations.

In church, a lot of 'proactive' chrisitan men I have met, have been (in the past) in environments that they had experimented with sex, drug and/or alcohol. They learnt to be 'proactive' before meeting Jesus. In the process of 'daring' to break the rule, something gets buildup in their psyche that might be hard to come by otherwise. They come into church with that attitude.

However the good old boys in the church - who grow up in the church - where would they learn to be proactive?
After a boy becomes a 'Christian' he is told not do sex, drugs and not too much alcohol.
He is told to read his bible and pray. He is told to 'surrender' all to Jesus.
How does he learn to 'dare' - and find a place to exert his will?

The few places there might be proactivity in the church - is evangelism and leading bible studies.
Is that enough. The boy tries to tell a few people about Jesus - but then he kinda stops, because it does not seem to go anywhere. The boy also leads a few bible studies, but then what? What is he rewarded with?
Is he able to learn to go to pretty women, and start conversation and date them?

In the bachelor party I was at - the beta men were learning from the alpha males how to interact and 'win' a woman. They were not learning to be husbands or fathers. They were learning how to be proactive with their masculinity and sexuality. In church, it is hard to grow up in those areas.

The 'wild at heart' book highlights three universal desires of men: a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. There are many ways to achieve those principles. Eldredge's favorite way is to go to the woods - and experience nature. Maybe that satisfies the first two universal desires, but I am not sure how that satisfies the third (especially for single men)? The guys at the bachelor party, had the three universal desires incorporated in the getaway.

In the 'world', there are more oppertunities for men to learn to be proactive especially regarding women, than in the church. I find the church culture quite feminine in nature. It is designed to 'surrender' all to Jesus so he can 'lead' you. To 'surrender' is biblical - I totally agree. It is predominently what is being is being preached from the church. However, if a boy - who has not learnt to be proactive, comes to church and is told to 'surrender' all, what is he learning? Is he rewarded for proactivity? Can he grow into that 'go-getter' man from the church's preaching? I would say not.

There is a place to 'surrender all to Jesus' for men, however it comes AFTER he learns the place of proactivity especially regarding women. It is in that place of struggle where men are formed. Men have to know they can 'achieve' and conquer - even in their own ability. ONLY then can they surrender the full breadth of the inner desire, knowing when God says, conquer 'this', they know they can!!

I am not condoning sin, as much as noticing how 'sinful' men seem to have achieved something that I never learnt from 'church'.

These are just some thoughts and observations - take it for what it is worth.

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